Just Stop…and Tip Over

While the Coyote and I were on our glorious run along “The Loneliest Highway”, Highway 50, I had an attack.  It was rapture of the outdoors (a total surprise to anyone who knows me).  As a result, I began keeping an eye out for photo opportunities.  Somewhere on the lonely highway we passed an unusually scenic outcropping of rock.  I noticed it had an area right in front where the bikes would look great for a photo.   I happened to be in the lead at the time so I slowed down and gave Al a couple of hundred million signals to indicate we were turning back.  As we approached I left the highway to take a short gravel road to the site.

During the holidays,
the three (red, black and white)
teddy bears in back and me
terrorize the neighborhood.

About the time I got the bike on the gravel I noticed a small almost dry creek was crossing the road.  It also had what looked like a pretty large muddy area I would have to cross.  I only had a split second to assess the situation and came up with zip… nada.  I mean, I could not tell how deep the mud was. Plus, I was not going to put almost a thousand pounds of bike, gear and person on it to find out.  So I grabbed a handful of brake, put my foot down to steady the bike, got no purchase in the gravel and gently laid the bike down.  What I mean is… I fell over.

If you remember the television show, Laugh In, you may recall Arte Johnson used to do that all the time.  Picture a full grown man riding around on a little tricycle, coming abruptly to a halt and falling over.  That is what Arte did and that is just what I did.  Thanks for the idea Arte!  So Al came up, laughed at me for a while and then began trying to help me get the bike out of there.

On the "Loneliest Highway." 
Same day I imitated Arte

We couldn’t get the puppy up so we finally decided to unload my packs and try.  That worked and we were soon underway none the worse for the wear.  So much for the badass biker concept right?!

Falling over... it has happened to me several times, typically while motionless. If it has to happen this is the best time as the worst development is typically a slightly bruised ego.  Conversely, if it happens while you are moving, there are an infinite number of very bad things that can happen. 

“So what” you say, “I have ridden for ten months or ten years or longer and it has never happened to me.”  Don’t worry it will.  As the old Brook Benton standard says, "It's Just a Matter of Time."

Autumn Ride

A gorgeous fall day...

Riding gear hanging on garage wall next to parked 2008 Harley-Davidson FLHX (A hard bagger commonly known as a Street Glide). 

The recipe for the day:

• Remove vintage WWII olive drab woolen Army blanket protecting bike from dust. 
  

The fact that the blanket was “appropriated” over 40 years ago automatically gives your bike a certain amount of character.

The blanket releases a not unfamiliar smell combining faint scents of wax, leather, newer plastics, fiberglass epoxy, oil and gas.

• Remove rolled up leather chaps from fishnet holder on garage wall.
  
• Buckle chaps, then reach down and zip each leg, then fasten two snaps at bottom of each leg.
  
• Start motorcycle and let run to warm up.
  

The great sound of the bagger at idle is enough to distract you from properly completing the rest of your “recipe” or checklist so you have to regroup just a little before you go on.

• Put on and zip up hooded sweat shirt
  
• Put on and fasten snaps on leather vest
  
• If temperature is around 50F or less, add scarf
  
• Put on leather jacket, leaving wrists momentarily unzipped.
  

A lot of layers yes.  But as the day progresses and as the temperature warms you will be able to selectively remove them and put them in your badass baggers bags baby.

• Put on “do-rag” to help prevent dreaded “helmet itch”.
  
• Put on sun glasses.
  
• Put on helmet and secure strap
  
• Put on gloves
• Zip up jacket sleeves snugly around gloves.

You will often forget this simple task... zipping the sleeves…don’t ask me why but you will realize it as soon as you get on the street and notice a chill wind finding its way around your gloves and up your arms. 

• Perform visual bike inspection to make sure everything is attached and closed properly
  

There will be times you will be so excited you will forget to do this as well – it’s a fact.

• Mount bagger
  
• Shuffle feet to back bike out of garage
  
• Check surroundings
  
• Check azimuth of the sun to determine travel direction
  

This is often the only criterion for the day’s ride… you pick your direction so the sun will not be in your face.

• Hit first gear
  
• Hit the road
  
• Begin absorbing input from all senses and from all possible angles
  
• Assume everything moving… cars, motorcycles, bicycles, people, animals will do something incorrectly and somehow end up in your path
  
• Be prepared to take evasive action
  
• Always have an escape route in mind:

Can you suddenly move left or right or is there something in the way that precludes it?


Can you accelerate out of danger if necessary or will that put you in the path of other objects?


Can you slam on the brakes if necessary or is there something moving closely behind you?

Somewhere down that road, there will be a steaming cup of hot coffee and a fresh donut waiting for you.  It’s well worth the effort, in fact it’s priceless! 

Chasing Bullitt

We have some terrific countryside here in Northern California for most of our motorcycle runs– through Gold Country, Wine Country and so on.  The “FOG HOG” run was very different as it really involved no “country” at all.  It was an organized motorcycle tour through the streets of San Francisco and it really worked great. 

Here’s why: 

Dudley Perkins Harley-Davidson® was the “Mother” dealership for this event and they did a fine job of getting everyone lined up.  Dudley is a grand old dealership that has been in San Francisco since 1914.

After Al “El Coyote” Munguia and I made a cold, full-leather, multi-layer, vigorous run on the hogs in from Sacramento, the Dudley folks fed us and the other participants free steaming coffee and fresh doughnuts on a clear brisk Sunday morning in San Francisco.  Al and I arrived early (wanted to be sure to get a commemorative “limited supply” pin) and took off with the first group.  By the time we started the run, the weather was just about perfect.  We were very comfortable shucking the top layer of leathers and wearing our HOG (Harley Owners Group) vests with sweatshirts underneath. 

A Fog Hogs Road Captain “Boston Eddie” led us.  The route was fairly complex with “many a winding turn” as the old song goes. You wouldn’t want to be fumbling with a map while negotiating the streets. As we quickly found, it was a very good idea to do this run chasing a local Road Captain who knew the way. Eddie and his posse did a great job of getting us smoothly through a ton of intersections. The run distance was fairly short at around 35 miles total, with brief stops along the way.  There were several notable parts:

Chasing Bullitt

First, the streets:  We spent a couple hours negotiating them.  As you may be aware, they wander all over the place with plenty of up-and-down hill runs.  There were some good opportunities to practice clutch and brake maneuvers associated with starting from a stop while facing uphill on a steep incline.

The trick is to be able to operate the brake and throttle with your right hand at the same time.  You can do it using your thumb and index finger to operate the throttle while your other fingers are working the brake.  As we negotiated a few hills I was reminded of Steve McQueen’s famous chase scenes in Bullitt.  I thought we might even round a corner and look up to see him double clutching in that ’69 Mustang!

During the run we actually did cruise Filbert Street and several others that were actual locations for what many regard as the greatest car chase scene in film history. 

Next, the noise:  Yup we made some.  And among the close buildings in the city, the pipes can sound very loud.  I am not suggesting this is a good thing but we set off many auto alarms that late Sunday morning. In fact I noticed one person in his window remotely turning off his car alarm as certain, unnamed riders sat at a red light and revved their engines attempting to get his alarm to go off…again. 

Then, the sights:  One of the first areas we passed through was Twin Peaks.  This is a very sparsely settled pair of, you guessed it, peaks that has a commanding, unobstructed view of the entire city, the bridges and the bay. Al and I were unfamiliar with that spot and both later agreed it was pretty damn spectacular. 

After leaving the peaks we passed through or by many notable San Francisco landmarks: Haight-Ashbury, the Presidio, Battery Park and Seal Rocks, the Cliff House and down the Great Highway to Lake Merced. 

The trip through the Presidio was nice with beautiful landscaping everywhere and some very stately, well maintained old government buildings.  The architecture throughout the city also seems more massive and striking when viewed from a Hog rather than a car. For example, you notice a lot more of the intricate workmanship in the construction of many of the buildings. Also, if you focus long and hard enough at that very same workmanship, you get to run into something! 

Finally, the barbeque: At the boathouse at Harding Park. Two lines, your choice– one with some fine looking sausages, pasta salad and coleslaw.  The other had freshly prepared chicken and some tasty white sauce over rice and a salad.  This was truly above average run fare. 

"Fog Hog" and the streets of San Francisco - a remarkable experience... a lesson in skilled riding while absorbing your immediate surroundings... an up close look at one of the most amazing cities in the world.  Not too shabby eh?  Let's take a break and have a stogie!

Chili Baaaybeeeee!

This is a little known fact. All bikers, especially Harley riders have to eat.

In reality, the constant stress of lusting after chrome, leather, speed and the open road gives them quite prodigious appetites. That explains why most of them wear chain extensions on their leather vest snaps. It allows a little more breathing room for their...well, you know.

It likely comes as no surprise to know I too experience this phenomenon. Why just today, as she left for work my wife Julieann rustled up some chili in the crockpot and asked me to keep an eye on it. While it is true that I am extremely busy when I am at home instead of travelling in my consultant work I nevertheless agreed. I have to do my part of course. Plus, I asked for the chili as I love the stuff when the weather turns cool. Well I checked it a few minutes ago and it seemed all right. In fact, it seemed great so I decided to do a no-notice Internal Quality Assurance audit. Following my rigid self-imposed guidelines I grabbed a large spoon and filled a big bowl with it. I then secretly added chili sauce to spike the product a little further. 

I called for volunteers to test it and, hearing no answers, probably because no one was there, decided I would have to take the ultimate risk and use myself as test subject. I grabbed a bag of saltines for reinforcement and dove in. It was touch and go several times as I would alternately 'touch' a spoonful of chili or a cracker and test both, repeatedly. Unfortunately, I had some crackers left over so I had to grab a jar of blueberry jam to give them substance before I ate them. Verdict: delicious!  Now this evening, I will probably be expected to eat some of it for dinner as well. I know, I know. "The horror!" you say. But I am up to it. I'm tough. I'm tellin' you right now the life of a biker is not a pretty one...especially the chili watching part.

The Common Biker

Yours truly in biker mufti.

A he...or a she

Plebian and patrician

They all ride side-by-side 

Sharing a love of the open road

None are of a class at that moment

All are of a common cause

Basking in weather...good or bad

Masters of short hops

One to two hundred miles

To a brief rest or gas

Across the land

Leather and the smell

Chrome and the sparkle

Paint and the gleam

Pipes and the staccato

Land and the views

Each other

This...is the common biker.