Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cairo-Practica


A practice derived from ancient Egyptian customs. As often observed when erecting pyramids, the pharaohs would direct slaves to prostrate themselves over large logs and serve as buffers for the stones that were rolled to the top. While the squashing effect was unsettling to a few observers, it continued to evolve and remains today. Hence the classic expression “Cairo--practica” or, as its more commonly known, “chiropractic”.

Yea right... actually they are about to get rolled... literally.
Being raised as a medic from the pitiful age of 17, I have always been somewhat skeptical of chiropractic medicine, even though I have worked for a couple of Doctors of Osteopathy. They were good practitioners, or so I thought, even though they embraced the school of back-cracking. However, in recent years I have developed the habit of screaming while riding my Harley-Davidson; not from joy but from sciatic pain. As my trips got shorter and shorter and my complaints got longer and longer, folks around me found themselves wanting to be somewhere else.

Then, I found out my main Harley riding buddy, Al “The Coyote” Munguia (who is much, much older than me) was having similar problems but getting chiropractic treatment and having some success with it. I also found out Al’s wife, Norma (who, unlike Al is young and beautiful) was receiving similar treatments. Norma is an ICU nurse and most of us understand their backs have a very short shelf life.

So I made my first visit… to The Coyote’s chiropractor. They worked me over quick after I recited my pitiful condition. They put me on this table with a face-hole so my rather large nose would have a place to rest. Then they put an ice pack on my mid-back and attached an electrocution device to my lower back. If they would have hooked it to my temples they would have fried me like a mass murderer but on my back it felt pretty good. After about 15 minutes of this they led me to the executioner’s, or as they called him "chiropractor’s" office and he put me on this upright rack. Then he hit a button which made the rack and I assume a face down, prone position.

After he decided to let me live, he and the table did this simultaneous ‘whack him from above and below’ maneuver a few times around my lower back and voila’(!) I was cured for a few minutes. I went out the next day and made a test ride on the Harley and it took a lot longer for the sciatic screaming to set in so I may be on the right rack… or is it right track?

That’s it. This old medic is going to keep going in for electrocutions and rack whacks for a while. As the old group, the Monkees would say, “I’m a Believer”.

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